Not forgetting my lost stars

Now been 10 weeks always make me think how lucky to be hear

befor my 1st star was born, we had lost 2 stars that not made the 9 week mark

i was on bed rest for both spoiding way to early

I felt like i was lossing them alittle every day

i was young and new to motherhood, all i wanted was to hold a baby

greatfull i had good dr who put me off work after i lost babies to go through the pain

it was dark and hard place but me and alex changes things around and move to chilliwack to be with family

leaving abbotsford behind us.

then baby sammy was on his way :)

with my 2nd star i never really told anyone about baby becuse it was not looking good or it was to good that something was to go wrong feeling

but i felt more alone after it happen becuse no one really knew about what i had to go through

i told my self i would never hind a baby and firends are there to support you in Joyness and saddness

Even after 5 heathly stars i still worrried no stop what if…..

TO my lost stars Hope and Patience

I Love you

Dear Mom

Dear Mom


Hay its me natalie, I can’t talk to you any more because your not with us any more

but I can always remember my 1st call after finding out i am pregnant was to you,

No matter what you always cry happy tears for me.  Not sure if i could got through the 1st year with Sam or even the 1st year with isaac

You gave me many lesson in life so i can teach them to my kids thank you for that.


A few weeks ago I found i was going to have one more baby.  I could not do want i normal do pick up the phone and call you, tell you Mom I am going to have baby, i could hear your tears of joy and happiest, I miss that missing the fact you say I can do this. Missing your support when I know some people will not be so supported. You always back me up no matter what.  Seen I found that baby is coming Melody non stop talking about you, asking ?? about and what you did. That you teacher to cook and that you help her play.

I know you did not like your middle name but i think its time a baby has part of you. If we have girl her name will be Sarah Agnes Smusiak

I can see you know LOL and get mad but i know your happy

so dear mom I love you and miss you right now

love  Natalie due_in_june_cards-rb0779cfe035d475593aa7fb03e6bc3b5_xvuak_8byvr_324


Pipe dreams

Do you ever have pipe dreams that you want to do in live

i have many

some need more schooling

some need more money

some need just whatever never going happen

dreams for my kids, hoping we can give them all there pip dreams to

or the tools to get on the right track for pip dreams

when i was in hight school they wanted us to pick our job and stay with it

well i pick a job and went to collage

but i am not doing it now

and learn it was not for me and my dreams

i know all in timming things will get done but with the passing of my mom so soon

make me really think how inporten my dreams are

which once i really want to do and why

what step do i need do to

for now i wait for a lot of stuff to happen

never give up is my 1st step :)


grass is green over there, but be happy for your grass

i many dreams in life, go back to work, own a house, become a doula, become a midwife, become RMT, get alex off nights, get a better van, the grass is always greener over there, then i look at what i am doing, stay at home mom, van works great, alex works hard and we always have roof over our heads, with my own Edu of birth i can help firends on FB (my sister called it a digital doula, when my firends where asking about labour help, when i was there), taking baby step to go back to school,

so happy for my green grass :)9287848113_0344fe0328

testing been done

so just after i post about going back to school
we got the call my mom was ill, and passed
so my school was on hold for few weeks
so yestday i filling got through to get my password and ID
but the site was not lating me in to testing my skills
RRRRR through the world is saying no to school LOL
then out of the blue, out of the blue i mean his not been on my email listed try to get this fix, he gave me a new link for the test YAY
i got hight Cs and reading and Document Use
and math i suck LOL
well thats my school up date


finishing what i started :)

so back in 2010 i started to go back to school upgarding my garde hight school

yes i got my garde 12 but it not the hard course lol

so i found a way to up grade through st.clair ACE online

i did a few courses but when nate came my mind trun mushy for along time

and then naomi lol

so now that babies are bit older i can try to go back

so i send off the email

what is cool is my couses that i did finish i can keep them under my belt

so a few hours in the day i am going to take to go back to school

so wish me luck

if you want more infor Image


Academic and Career Entrance (ACE)

  ONLINE Certificate Program
The Academic & Career Entrance (ACE) Program is specifically designed for upgrading the academic skills of adults and is offered via OntarioLearn Distance Education (online.) ACE allows students to achieve the entrance requirements for apprenticeships and many post secondary college programs in a relatively short period of time.

The Academic and Career Entrance Certificate is a recognized Ontario Grade 12 equivalency for the purpose entrance to post secondary, apprenticeship registration and employment. You should consider enrolling in Academic and Career Entrance courses if:

  • You want to earn an Academic and Career Entrance (ACE) Certificate that is accepted as Grade 12 equivalent for the purpose of admission to Post-Secondary and Apprenticeship programs at Ontario colleges.*
  • Not having your Grade 12 diploma is holding you back from employment and educational opportunities.
  • You have your diploma but not the subjects you need to enter further training.
  • You finished high school more than five years ago and need to refresh and update your knowledge and skills.

*Please Note: ACE courses do not meet the entrance requirements for the Collaborative Nursing program.

Students may register in individual courses or complete Communications, a Mathematics course, and two other courses from the ACE course list in order to qualify for the Academic and Career Entrance Certificate.

Core Math

ACE 18

Apprenticeship Math

ACE 16

Business Math

ACE 14

Technology Math

ACE 12

Communications (English)

ACE 10


ACE 24


ACE 22


ACE 20


ACE 28

Self Management/Self Direction

ACE 26

The ACE Program is tuition free. The program is paid for by the Ministry of Training, Colleges and Universities. The online program operates on a continuous intake basis with start dates at the beginning of each month. Participants must be 19 years of age or older and eligible to study in Ontario.

A mandatory online orientation and assessment of the subjects you wish to register into, will determine the academic level of entry into the program, as well as a brief assessment of the student’s readiness to study online.

Please email for instructions on how to enroll into the mandatory orientation, registration information and start dates.